I'm presuming everyone has seen this or some variation on the Dracula story. I remember first seeing Francis Ford Coppola's version many years ago, when I was in a pubescent state. I found the film utterly titillating, mainly because of all the tits. I also remember it had, as he was simply known then, "The dude from Bill and Ted's." It was with great pleasure that I came across a viewing on cable TV and couldn't help but watch.
The first thing that stood out to me was the cast. The dude from Bill and Ted's was of course Keanu Reeves. Anthony Hopkins. Winona Ryder. The dude from The Princess Bride and Saw. Tom Waits was even in there. Monica Bellucci (amazingly hot). And of course:
|Gary Fucking Oldman|
The story is all about Keanu Reeves going to Transylvania to work for Count Dracula (Gary Fucking Oldman). He is, of course, unaware of the Count's true nature, but suspects something suss is going on. Meanwhile, his wife Winona Ryder is going about her business in London. Once Dracula sees Keanu's photo of Winona, he believes she is the reincarnation of his wife Elisabeta (who killed herself). Thus, he decides to head to London to seduce her and generally cause other sorts of weird stuff, usually sexy. Considering the novel was written in 1897, the story is still very compelling to this day.
But the story doesn't stop some parts of this film being bad. Really bad. Namely:
Anthony Hopkins, Tom Waits and the supporting cast all do a pretty good job though. And regardless of the accent, Gary Fucking Oldman also captures the character of Dracula as super duper evil, yet also charming and suave. At one stage in the film Gary Fucking Oldman turns Winona's single tear into diamonds. God damn. The film manages to have a weird, strangely seductive and sexual vibe about it. It may help that one of the characters seems to have at least one boob out for the duration of it. Also Keanu has this freaky foursome with Dracula's brides who trap him in his bed, drain him of his strength and do it night after night.
In the end, the film to this day remains engaging and watchable, regardless of the shitty accents and some pretty bad acting. It's got a rich atmosphere, there's some impressive gore and special effects (for 1992), and the cinematography in general is solid. If you don't take it too seriously you're in for a decent ride.
I give this film 5 boobs out of 10. Actually make it 6 boobs for Gary Fucking Oldman.
Jables here. I just wanted to add that Keanu Reeves is basically one big boob himself. That is all.