Thursday, August 18, 2011

Garbage Dump: Shittywood

Quantom: By Shittywood, we are of course talking about Hollywood. That is, Hollywood has become shitty. There are so few movies that I am even interested in coming out. In fact I haven't been to the movies in months. I'm sitting here seeing all these trailers on the TV and what I see is: comic book movies, remakes and sequels. Green Lantern looks like the biggest pile of shit I have ever seen. I got offered a free ticket and thought "fuck this shit, it is literally not worth my time." The graphics honestly look like some nerd did it in 3D studio max or whatever it's called. The Hangover 2 was pretty much The Hangover set in Thailand. Like the exact same fucking plot. Total Recall is being remade, and you can be DAMN sure it won't feature three boob chick!

Let's list some shit movies that are coming out:
  • Green Lantern
  • Captain America (Jesus how many fucking Avengers movies do we need?)
  • A fucking Glee movie
  • Some Jason Statham movie where he is the exact same character
  • Ugh some other 3D shit coming out ugh
Jables: 3D has got to be the worst Hollywood gimmick ever.  About 80% of the movies aren't truly 3D anyway and have it added in later in post production.  The 3D in Avatar was amazing but that was simply because they actually created a 3D camera to shoot the damn thing.  Unfortunately Hollywood knows people are stupid and will pay through the nose for crap.

Which leads to my next gripe about Hollywood and that is extremely fucking shit sequels, reboots, comic book movies etc where they don't have to use an original idea ever and just rehash the same old turd over and over again just because stupid people continue to fork out their hard earned cash for it.  You only have to look at the top 10 highest grossing flicks of all time:
1 Avatar
2 Titanic
3 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
4 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
5 Toy Story 3
6 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
7 Alice in Wonderland (2010)
8 The Dark Knight
9 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
10 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Only 2 of those films are original to a degree.  Titanic is based on real events but the story is original.  Avatar (arguably a re-imagining of Fern Gully or Pocahontas) but still originalish.  The rest are sequels, book adaptions or a comic book movie.  It's no wonder that Hollywood keeps spitting out shitty sequels and comic book movies when people pay to see them.  Seriously, the Pirate of the Caribbean movies are complete arse (the first one was good fun but that is it) and 2 of them are in the top 10.  WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!

I literally do not know one person who saw the latest Pirates movie. Which says to me, where and who are you people? Alice in Wonderland? Really? Fuck I can't believe I actually contributed $15 to that pile of poop.

And is it any wonder we have 5 Fast and Furious movies, a million Saw flicks, reboots of Spiderman (12 years after the original) and a dadillion comic book movies coming out.  People are stupid and will accept pieces of shit for entertainment and Hollywood just rake in the dough.

I think South Park has said it best. Remember that episode where Cartman plays a robot, and Hollywood execs use him to come up with movie ideas? Yeah that's pretty accurate. "Adam Sandler...inherits a million dollars..." "Rob a carrot!" Also I'm so sick of comic book movies. Most of them are cheap and don't even try. Hey remember that Incredible Hulk movie? Nope me either. Remember Spiderman 3? I know it had that guy from Ned and Stacy. Sweet. Not.

Fucking Incredible Hulk.  A reboot for a movie that was only 5 years old.  Fuck me.  Don't get me started on reboots.

No comments:

Post a Comment