New Release Movies: Black Swan (2011)

Now, I should preface this by saying that I saw Black Swan when it first came out in January. I have not watched the film since. I can categorically say that I will never see this film again. I won't look at the DVD case when I'm at the shops. I won't accidentally catch it on cable TV and think "I'll just watch 5 minutes." If for some strange reason I am forced to watch it again, the universe may just implode as it means a paradox has occurred. 

Black Swan has gained a reputation as being pretty crazy and disturbing. Well I am here to tell you it's all true. To be honest, before I even walked into the cinema I knew it would be, as it came from director Darren Aronofsky, the man who is single-handedly credited with inventing "ass-to-ass" and thrusting it into the English vernacular (so to speak). 

Fucking hell Darren Aronofsky.

The film is of course about ballerina Natalie Portman, who becomes the lead in Swan Lake. Her director thinks she is not edgy/talented/slutty/whatever enough to play both the Swan Queen and the Black Swan. From here, she proceeds to go on a wild ride with help from the director and a talented AND slutty Mila Kunis. The film is still recent, so I won't dwell too much on the rest of the story and spoil it. Suffice to say it's crazy.

Fucking hell Natalie Portman.

After I left the cinema with my friends, I believe one of the first things I said may have been, "What the fuck just happened?" We then had a conversation about all the things that Black Swan has ruined in our lives:

Ballet - ruined.
Cutting your fingernails - ruined.
Having a bath - ruined.
Getting a cake - ruined.
Swans - ruined.

You'll know what I mean when you see the film. As an aside, most people would have heard about the scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. All I will say about that is; Darren Aronofsky is an incredibly talented man, as he managed to make that scene the least sexy thing in the history of cinema.

Fucking hell that guy.

This may sound like a negative review, but the thing is the film is brilliantly made. It succeeds in freaking you out and making you wonder what the fuck is even happening. Aside from crying in just about every scene, Natalie Portman is excellent in it. In fact the whole cast was good, although not having a single likable character is a bit problematic. The choreography with the ballet seems to be good too, but I'm no ballerina so what do I know? The soundtrack of course utilizes the Swan Lake music pretty extensively.

Fucking hell Mila Kunis.

Darren Aronofsky succeeded in making a good movie, but the problem is he succeeded in his goal too much. He was so successful in freaking people the fuck out that I have heard of walk-outs during the film, and many people saying that like me, they will never watch it again.

In terms of the design of the movie, I suppose it would be an 8 ballerinas out of 10. For me though, due to the way it made me feel inside (ie: bad) I give it 4 "What the fuck!"s out of 10.